I haven't written in a while. And I suppose it's because I don't have anything to say. Plus I've been really busy. But the other day as I was driving in my car my mind was numb to the music that was playing and I felt it. "It" is a sensation I get when I know I have to write. My heart gets warm and my fingers get tingly and my mind races in different directions. It's weird and I don't expect people to know what I am talking about, but I felt it. And as I got back into my room I forgot I wanted to write something. So days later I sit here and think about what I wanted to say and I don't know what it was. But I will share with you what is on my mind right now.
I've felt distant from God the past week or so. I haven't been seeking Him as much as I should be. My prayers have been meager and afterthoughts. And I know my inability to think of something to write has a direct correlation with my separation from God.
You see, when my thoughts center on God they contemplate things that are beyond me. Things that I haven't figured out so in order to figure it out I ask God for wisdom and I write about it to achieve understanding. But this chasm that I've built screams its silence at me and I've been too preoccupied to jump across and grasp onto God.
But I thank God because although I haven't felt His presence because I've been away I have scripture to reassure me that He's there. The devil will make you think that God isn't there for you because you don't sense Him. That's a blatant lie. God is always there. It's us who take leaves of absence. It's us who don't pick up the phone and call Him. Yes, there are times when we just don't feel Him even when we try. But the Word says, "You will find me when you seek Me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13 Trust in the Word. It's life.
So what this random, blabbering post is saying. God is there. I know He is and I miss Him. So I am going to pick up the phone and give Him a call. Because my heart is tired and my mind is empty. Life is filled with disappointments and when I am apart from the Vine there is no cushion between me and the disappointments.
Without God every problem is more intense. Every lie seems to be a truth. Every person seems cynical. Every word harsher. Every day darker. But with God by my side every sound is sweet and every day brighter. I know it sounds cliche but that's what life is like when you have hope and a sense that life is NOT about you. It is about others.
So I encourage you to call God. Not just when you need Him even though I know He would be there. But call on Him regularly. It's nice to have someone to tell all your problems to and who can actually do something about it.
In the midst of writing my paper I veer off into meaningless stretches of time where things remain undone for a bit. But it is the meaningless stretches of time that aid me in completing my paper. Albeit at a much slower pace.
I am currently reading The Shack and I would like to recommend it. I think. I'm not done with it. But so far I am very very interested. So I recommend it right now. Maybe not later.
"I suppose since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."
–The Shack by Wm. Paul Young