Rolling bagels

I was really bothered today. I think it started when I missed breakfast this morning because I hit snooze too many times. And then it got worse when as I was walking to my dorm room my bagel (the only thing I was able to get), fell off of my plate and started rolling down the ramp. I had to run after it and was so upset yet wildly amused I didn't care about all the germs that latched on to it, I toasted my bagel and ate it. And it was good.

Then I had to study all day. I had a test today, I have one tomorrow which I haven't even studied for, and a test on Friday which I know is going to be a killer.

And my computer charger doesn't work. Argh...

I've been bothered all day.

My friend said a stupid comment and I got annoyed. I know she didn't mean it but still, it was annoying.

I've been bothered all day.

I've been a brat all day.

"Rejoice in this day, the day the Lord has made."

I will forget my past so called "grievances" and I will rejoice in what God has given me.

Today. Right now. This moment.

God is good.


Paint and Dirt Between my Fingers.

Party Hat Kids Pictures, Images and Photos

When I was a little girl I lived in a big house with an acre of land. An acre of land isn't that much but to a little girl it's like she has a big piece of the world all to herself. My family and I had ten dogs. Well, we had one very loose momma dog who was always pregnant and ten little puppies. I remember as soon as I got home from school I would run to the iron gate that led to my backyard and I would spend all afternoon with my puppies. I would roll around in the dirt and all the puppies would rush to me, licking my face and jumping on me. I loved it.

I remember I loved to paint, color, draw anything that had to do with colors, I was all over it. I loved to dip my fingers in the cool paints and run them across the white page. I have no talent for drawing but at the age of six you don't worry about the talent you lack; you just revel in the feel of the paint on your fingers and the feel of your heart as it produces something you didn't even know you could make. My aunt would always encourage me to paint. I remember she would make me feel like I was actually good. Even now she has this big painting I made of flowers with super-long stems and happy faces, she has it framed in her bedroom.

I look at that painting and I smile, but sometimes when I dwell on it too long my smile turns sad. What happened? Why did I ever stop? Did I become too self-conscious? Did I realize that I wasn't that good? Why did I stop doing something that made me so happy? I haven't painted in years. My fingers haven't felt the sticky coolness of paint, my heart hasn't been warmed by silly creations in a long long time.

When did I stop rolling around in the dirt? Not caring about whether it got in my hair or in between my fingers? And the worst part of all of this is that I can't pinpoint a specific time that all this stopped. It was more like a gradual dimming of a certain part of my heart. Maybe I grew out of it. Or maybe the feeling that made me run in the rain, the feeling that enticed me to make hundreds of mudpies, the feeling that made me glow with joy over my silly painting, maybe that wonderful awesome feeling left because I ceased to see how it would ever be relevant.

What would that feeling ever do for me, except distract me from serious living?

Kids always want to play. And what do us adults do? We tell them to relax for a bit, sit down. But why are we telling them to take a break from the joy of living, of experiencing, of being so fully alive? The Man with the dirty sandals and beautiful heart said that to enter the Kingdom of Heaven we have to be like little children.

I want to remember. I want to feel like a child. I want to have faith like a child. I want to laugh like a child. So I will paint, even if it is a painting of flowers with long-stems and happy faces, I will feel the sticky, cool paint between my fingers and I will relish it.

I have to.



Flight of the Conchords = Love

I wanna marry someone who can move like that . . . [sigh]


incoherent to you . . . coherent to me.

mud hut Pictures, Images and Photos
Sometimes you have to let go.

I formed this idea in my head and I've held on to it for so long that I almost feel that if I release it I'll have nothing left.
I will be left bereft and I will no longer have that part of my life anymore. Sorry if this sounds cryptic but I don't want to share what I have to let go of.

Sometimes we build castles in the air. And although Thoreau says we must put foundations under them what if what you thought was a castle is actually a mud hut?? And so building the foundation for a castle is useless because . . . well because it just is.

So here, right now I cast off this idea, this thought and I will let it roam off into space and I will allow time to envelop it so it can never be found again. It's long overdue.

This doesn't make sense to you does it? Sorry, but not really 'cause it's my blog. :]

I hope everyone is having a good Wednesday. I'm pretty sure I am...




true love Pictures, Images and Photos
The phrase, "How to get a date" met my eyes. No, I wasn't reading the latest Accent article on dating. I was in class and the phrase was referring to radiometric dating not boy/girl dating. I smiled to myself and allowed my thoughts to drift away from rocks and dirt to the far more interesting topic of boy/girl dating.

The articles that have been written for the Accent on dating have ranged from tips for getting a date, what not to do, and articles that satirize the whole concept of dating especially in a Christian setting. Does the guy make the first move or doesn't he? Does the girl act coy or forward? What does a "vesper's date" really mean anyway? All these questions and more seem to plague the minds of the students at SAU.

I think Southern guys and girls need to do one very essential thing: RELAX! That guy that you thought was into you, well turns out he isn't, he took out Susie Q and left you with one less prospective future mate. Your a Senior and times a' wasting but I say throw all concern to the wind. You might say, "But after I graduate I have to enter the real world and their aren't as many Adventists in the work place. And forget about my Church family there's no one there. I'll never find a good Adventist husband if I don't find him now." True. Good point. My what a sad sad story. Let me play the violin for you.

In Song of Solomon it says, "Do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time." -Ch. 8 vs. 4 Maybe all this talk about what you should do to get noticed by the opposite sex is just that, talk. Maybe Southern guys don't need to be more forward. Maybe Southern girls don't need to be so anxious for a husband. I mean I can spout tons of verses that make me trust in God's promises, "Do not be anxious for anything", "It is not good for man to be alone" and so on. So why if we have the evidence of God's promise's do we continue to try to do things that will help us find mate's for ourselves?

I propose it's God's job not mine to find my future husband. I trust in Him to find me a good job when I graduate. I trust in Him to be able to provide for my financial needs here at Southern. Why wouldn't I trust in Him to provide for me one of the most important things in my life?

Going back to the verse in Song of Solomon about not awakening love until it's appropriate time, only God knows when a time is appropriate. I can only see the past and present. But God sees the past, present and future. He knows what I need and when I need it. Throughout Scripture we see lots of evidence that shows us how God's timing is best.

As soon as we begin to do things with our own understanding we begin to fail. I am not saying that girls, we shouldn't give encouragement to a guy who likes us, ask God if this is His will and if it is go for it. Guys, I am not saying that you should just sit back and wait for God to plop a girl down on your lap. All I am saying is to, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5,6

Be strengthened. God has someone for you. Be patient. Good things are always worth the wait. Be faithful. Lean on God and the rest will fall into place.




"Now see the wretched sum of it, this madness,
this monstrous folly of appropriation,
this mortal seizure of immortal power.
Your city and your tower became your tomb
when in your prideful dreaming I am dreamed
out of existence; when you put your trust
your ultimate security, in Man."

-B. Davie Napier in Come, Sweet Death