expansion of the mind and a humbling of the heart

I was thinking while in the shower about thoughts. I want to one day write a book. Maybe even a couple. I currently have two in the works but I don't know if I want to continue them. I've hit a rut. And I was thinking I needed something to get me out of my creativeless (that's not a word) hole. And I was pretty much beating myself up about it.

I've been praying for a while for God to humble me. I mean I've been praying this prayer for a couple of months. And I know this was a prayer that the Holy Spirit placed on my heart. Finally, while I was in the shower shampooing my hair I was struck. Not by lightening but by something far more electrifying (Corny pun). I was struck by an idea that humbled me to my core. Now whoever is reading this, Do you believe that every good thought comes from God and every evil thought comes from the devil? If so we are on the same page because that's what I think. The fact that God has given us free will allows us to think for ourselves. But every seed of thought that we allow in our mind is given to us by either God or Satan. That's why we are instructed to take our thoughts captive and surrender them to God. David writes, "The LORD knows the thoughts of man; he knows that they are futile," -Psalm 94: 11 Our hearts are deceitful above all other things and are minds our being bombarded by the evil one. So what have we to rely on? If the two things that sway our decisions the most are things that cannot be trusted how can we ever do the right thing? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" -Psalm 13:2 "They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand," Isaiah 44:18

Solomon writes in Proverbs 14:12, "There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death." So Solomon, wise Solomon, writes that what we may think is right is actually a path that leads to death. So you may ask how did these thoughts humble me? Well, because I realized that there is nothing that I could ever do, think, or say that could lead me to Heaven. I on my own cannot climb the ladder up to the pearly gates. And to take it a step further I could never write a book. Not by myself. Nope. If I want to glorify God through my writings then He has to be the one who places the seeds in my mind and directs my fingers as they type. How incredibly arrogant am I to leave God out the equation as I write. To leave Him out of my thinking process. Every step I take, every word I speak, every thought I think, and every word I write needs to be soaked with Him.

I've always wanted to be original. I always pride myself in thinking things other people haven't thought of. But if you read the quote I have about C.S. Lewis he stumbled on this idea a while ago. We will never be original. There's no way. The thoughts we have are put there by two different beings. We have variations on the thoughts because God has given us free will and we are not robots. But God is the originator of all things good. And the Devil is the originator of all things evil. And we humans dabble with the gray in between. C.S. Lewis says that if we say the truth we will nine times out of ten sound original. Why? Because the truth is given to us from God.

If we ask God to he will expand our minds so that we can ponder on the unfathomable, think on the unattainable, and contemplate the ungraspable (not a word). He gave Solomon wisdom. Solomon didn't attain it on his own. It was a gift. As was the gift God gave me. He lifted a weight off my shoulders when I realized it is His thoughts not mine that are original. Yes, it's really hard to write a book but I don't have to do it alone. He humbled me when I realized that all the ways I think are right will lead me to destruction. So all I have to do is concern myself with the Truth, ask God to widen the perimeters of my mind, and make sure that everything I think is pleasing to Him. The rest will fall into place. And I will, nine times out of ten, end up sounding original.

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable- if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise- dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and recieved and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you," Philippians 4: 8-9

Apple of His eye

I wish I was more eloquent so that I could express myself better. I wish I was a genius so I could understand everything that's presented before me. I wish I was beautiful so I could turn heads as I walk. I wish I was the nicest girl that way everyone would feel comfortable around me. I wish I was the most spiritual person ever that way God could shine through me constantly. I wish a lot of things. Or at least I used to. Now, this moment, I am content with who I am. I am content with who God has molded me into. I'm not the smartest, prettiest, or coolest. But I am me. And there is no one in this whole world, in the entire universe that is like me. I am the apple of my Father's eye. And I can't wait until He sends me someone who loves me and appreciates me for who God always knew I was.


Listen to the song Apple of Your eye by Sons of Korah.

Long Post.

Want. It's a four letter word. The world is no longer driven by need but by want. People say that money is what makes the world go round. Yet, I still believe it's the hands of God that hold us steady. Want. When we are born we wail for our needs. Our mother's breast, a dirty diaper, a burp that won't come out, all these are needs that must be addressed. However, we learn at a very young age that wants are more fun than needs. So we wail but not for our needs. What I find interesting is that when Jesus' sandals pounded the ground here on earth He met the immediate needs of the souls He encountered. Ailments, sicknesses, blindness, lameness, demon possession, all these things that the people desperately needed; Jesus met the needs instantly. Where there was faith there were His healing hands. He didn't say come follow me and I'll give you this great ride and a pretty sweet house. He healed man of his ailments and cured them of their diseases. Yet, countless times in the Bible there is the mention of our desires. Desires...isn't that just a fancy word for want. Desires aren't needs. If I have cancer I don't desire to be cured, I NEED to be cured, and I need it immediately.

So let me get this straight, God meets our immediate needs. Right? Yeah.
It says in the Word, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." -Psalm 37:4 Delight means: a high degree of gratification : joy; also : extreme satisfaction.
Extreme satisfaction...if you are extremely satisfied with something doesn't that meet all your needs AND all your wants. So what I think God wants us to realize here is that if we realize that our greatest need and our grandest desire can be met within Christ Jesus our Lord, than if we want more (and we will because God Himself designed us to want more) of something He will give it to us. Whatever it is. "If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you." John 15:7 And Jesus goes on to say, "My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples.": -John 15:8 The red letters are our truth.

For some reason I acquired this mentality ever since I was a little girl that to be a Christian was to never want anything outside of what you have. Be satisfied and content. But that is against what my Saviour says. He says, "Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with BOLDNESS, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time." -Hebrews 4:16 My Father is not a pauper He is a King. A King who tells me to boldly go before Him. To boldly ask for more. He is a King who is so loving so giving that He not only meets our deepest needs but yet our most cherished desires. And when we abide in Him, He places desires within us. Don't be ashamed if the yearnings of your heart seem impossible. Christ loves to astonish us. But our Father will not push His inheritance on us. We must, as rightful heirs, ask for the inheritance He has for each of us.

Have you ever been to a stream where the water has become stagnant? It's smells funky and it's dirty and you could never drink from it. If we as followers of Christ, aren't constantly moving our faith becomes stagnant. We become stinky and nobody will want to drink what we have to offer. The reason God says He will give us what we want, when we abide in Him, I think, is because not only does He delight in making His children happy but because others will see and will want what we have. But we can show them that our extreme satisfaction can not be found with the things He chooses to give us. It cannot even be found when our most basic needs our met. Our extreme satisfaction, our joy, and greatest gratification, can only be found in Jesus.

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Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

There's more to spIT.

I was thinking a couple of weeks ago about the ocean. I was thinking about how huge it is and about how salty it is. I was thinking about how people used to go bathe in the ocean because they believed it had healing properties (which it does). Then I started pondering how God molded Adam and Eve with His own hands. He breathed the breath of life into them. How very extremely, beautifully, intimate that is. I imagine Adam taking a deep breath and exhaling and the air that is within him is the air that was within God.

I thought about Mark Ch. 7 Vs. 31-37 and Mark Ch. 8 Vs. 22-26. In Ch. 7 Christ heals a deaf man with a speech difficulty. The first thing He does is spits on His fingers and then puts His fingers in the man's ears and on his tongue. The man is healed.
Then in Ch. 8 Christ spits on a blind man's eyes and laid His hands on his eyes. The man is healed. In these two separate instances Jesus uses His spit to heal these men. Why? He didn't have to do that. Jesus could of just given each man a look and they would have been healed.

Maybe it's the same reason why our Father formed us with His hands. The same reason He knit us within the wombs of our mothers. The same reason He breathed the breath of life within us. The same reason He loves to speak to us from within ourselves. He is an intimate Father. He is a present Father. And His hands are never far from us. They are always present. He is always present.

Back to why I was thinking about the ocean. It's salty. God created all of nature. He spoke and everything that is worth looking at appeared. Brace yourselves this may sound odd, maybe the ocean (at least in the beginning of time) was God's spit. Why not? Jesus used His spit for healing. Maybe this great big body of water which many have gone to for peace, for healing, for pure enjoyment, maybe our very intimate God spit this ocean into existence. In Genesis Ch. 1 it talks about how God was hovering over the surface of the waters in the beginning. It doesn't say how the water came to be. The Bible doesn't say He spoke it into existence but it states it like the water just was.

I don't know. Just thoughts twisting in a mind that is tired of calling its thoughts insignificant. And even if the ocean isn't God's healing spit. These thoughts have caused me to appreciate how very intimate my God is. And that comforts me. As I hope it comforts you.

I wrote this a couple of months ago. I just came across it and I read it to my suitemates and they responded well to it so I'll share it with everyone else.

As I lay there thinking about my mom with my worry a tangible body sitting beside me and gripping my stomach and strangling my throat I lay there and dialed her number. It rang once. She didn't pick up. Twice. No answer. By the third call horrible images had taken an unwelcome stay in my mind. It was two in the morning, she was sleeping. She's fine. She's fine. She's fine. I got a call by the fourth 'she's fine'. It's my mother with a sleepy voice. She wasn't annoyed, she was just concerned and sleepy. I heard her voice and I asked her, "Are you okay?" "Yeah mama, I'm fine. You okay?" she responded. A squeaky yes from me and then sobs racked my body. I was literally shaking, I was crying so hard. Then, at two in the morning I thought I was crying because I was relieved. Now I realize I was sobbing because I could never keep her. I could never keep anyone. And that scared me. It still does.

Life is not a circle.

Have you ever been afraid of getting what you want? Or apprehensive of going after your dream? Your afraid of what might happen when you get it. Maybe when you reach your goal it's not all it's cracked up to be. It seems to me that sometimes our mind tries to make things better than what they really are. We say that life would be great if we had this and that. But when we get what we wanted something ends. The race has been won and the goal is accomplished. What's left? To enjoy the spoils of our victory? To dream up something new? Maybe. Or maybe as long as we're here on earth nothing will ever be good enough. And I think internally in the deepest corners of our being we know that. Even those that don't believe in God, Angels with wings, and streets of paved gold.

We are meant, we are built, we are designed for better. We are made to live eternally. So we always wonder what's next. But down here where there's gravity we discover that there is really no such thing as 'the circle of life'. Our planet may be round but our lives here are a straight line. And this line is not perpetual it ends and so do we. But those of us who believe in something more we have something many don't have. Hope. And a comfort that our lives of goals and dreams are not in vain. All we accomplish here will mean nothing. But it gives us something to do while we wait for the Man we are running the race for. So keep perspective and keep talking to the Man. He listens. And once you achieve everything you want to achieve you will stop and ask, "what's next?" And God will smile. Because there is so much more.

A void to avoid.

It's funny how a void means that something is missing, empty, or not occupied. For example, I have a void in my heart because my husband's off in war. Or...I have a void in my heart because my father was never around. I have a void in my stomach because I haven't eaten. I have a void in my life because I don't believe in anything. A void. Avoid. When there is a void we try to avoid it by filling it with something else. Sometimes we try to fill the void with good things and sometimes we fill it with bad. It's interesting to me how the words are so closely related. Just a thought that was bouncing around in my brain.

Short Sweet...Beep Beep.

As I sit here on my kitchen table trying to avoid the inevitable fact that I must study atoms and molecular bonding, I ponder on the thought of posting another recommendation. And so here is my recommendation, The Alchemist. Read it, dig it and think on it. It's a great book and a short one. It's filled with truth and wonder. What more can you ask for in a book? Alas, now I must study and avoid reading, The Kite Runner. Which is right in front of me and very compelling. Maybe it'll be my next recommendation. Peace.