A child birthed out of boredom.

I wanted to ride my bicycle today. I wanted to ride it with someone. But everyone was busy.
I felt like having a buddy but there was no buddy to be had.
So here I sit. And here I write. My fingertips hitting the keys and now time has gone by.

I wore black sneakers today and they made my feet smell.
But a shower I'm not allowed because Michelle is in there cleaning. Hence forth, I can't go in.
So my stockinged feet must the ground meet. And the stench will fill my carpet and will make others weep.

My thumb hurts. No. Don't worry it's not a wart. I think I have a splinter. Hey, I'm so excited it's winter!
My nose will be cold. But my hair will look nice. My feet will be frozen. But it's a very small price.
Because winter is lovely. Winter is good. Winter makes me wear a hood.

Maybe I'll put on a ski mask. Make it nice and tight. So I'll look like a criminal. But s'okay, I'm alright.
Michelle just called me. She's done cleaning. So off I go to take a shower and get pretty. Tonight it's vespers.
I know I'll be blessed. So I have to go now. . . get ready and dressed.

STRESS-O

This is the progression of my stress.

Some hair pulling.



More Intense hair pulling.



Breakdown into tears.



Yet I continue to procrastinate. Amazing how procrastination begets more procrastination.

...I spent a half hour on this...

Incandescent and Nonsensical are two of my favorite words.

Randomnessss...

I hate staplers.



I've been running around like a chicken without a head today. It sucked. (Sorry for the creepy picture)




I love love fall.



I really like Jon Foreman's music. New Favorite.



This weekend I have to do Big RA. Ay yai yai. S'okay. God is good. All the time God is good.

Cigars.

I was on a bike ride Sabbath afternoon. I had just been to the lawn concert and it's been such a wonderful Sabbath. And to top it off the sky was gorgeous. It was incredibly blue, there was a breeze and the clouds were so light it seemed like God was puffing out smoke from His cigar. Throughout the week I get so caught up in nothing. Ropes strangle me and tie me down. Ropes disguised as my academic career, exercising, keeping in touch with loved ones, boys or the lack thereof, cleaning my room, bathing, deciding what to wear... the list is endless. None of these things are bad. I'm not saying they are but they do strangle me and can be barriers to my ultimate purpose. Walking with God.

See, the devil is smart. He tries to keep me so preoccupied with good things that I won't have time for the best thing. I'm constantly being cheated. And to relax you think I sit and pray. I wish. I pull out a book or take a nap. My thoughts throughout the day are filled with classes, grades, conversations, but they are not filled with what they long to be filled with. No wonder when Sabbath comes my body heaves a sigh and my mind almost cries with joy. No longer is my state of mind confusion or busyness. My mind wraps around God and the rest He provided. He knew that we would need Sabbath.

I don't think that when we get to Heaven we will stop working. I think we'll be busy. But our thoughts will center around Rest. He is our eternal Rest. Even though we are running the race it is Enoch who went to Heaven because He walked with God. Let us take our time with God. In the midst of our weekdays, in the middle of our classes, while thinking of that certain someone, while writing that retarded paper, keep in mind that we should be ultimately preoccupied with God. Let our minds contemplate on the best thing. Not just on Sabbath when the sky is blue and you think of God smoking a cigar. But every second, of every minute, of every day.

Trees...Leaves...and Crazy People

Let my cry join theirs...

Hippies Wail for Dead Trees ~

expansion of the mind and a humbling of the heart

I was thinking while in the shower about thoughts. I want to one day write a book. Maybe even a couple. I currently have two in the works but I don't know if I want to continue them. I've hit a rut. And I was thinking I needed something to get me out of my creativeless (that's not a word) hole. And I was pretty much beating myself up about it.

I've been praying for a while for God to humble me. I mean I've been praying this prayer for a couple of months. And I know this was a prayer that the Holy Spirit placed on my heart. Finally, while I was in the shower shampooing my hair I was struck. Not by lightening but by something far more electrifying (Corny pun). I was struck by an idea that humbled me to my core. Now whoever is reading this, Do you believe that every good thought comes from God and every evil thought comes from the devil? If so we are on the same page because that's what I think. The fact that God has given us free will allows us to think for ourselves. But every seed of thought that we allow in our mind is given to us by either God or Satan. That's why we are instructed to take our thoughts captive and surrender them to God. David writes, "The LORD knows the thoughts of man; he knows that they are futile," -Psalm 94: 11 Our hearts are deceitful above all other things and are minds our being bombarded by the evil one. So what have we to rely on? If the two things that sway our decisions the most are things that cannot be trusted how can we ever do the right thing? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" -Psalm 13:2 "They know nothing, they understand nothing; their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand," Isaiah 44:18

Solomon writes in Proverbs 14:12, "There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death." So Solomon, wise Solomon, writes that what we may think is right is actually a path that leads to death. So you may ask how did these thoughts humble me? Well, because I realized that there is nothing that I could ever do, think, or say that could lead me to Heaven. I on my own cannot climb the ladder up to the pearly gates. And to take it a step further I could never write a book. Not by myself. Nope. If I want to glorify God through my writings then He has to be the one who places the seeds in my mind and directs my fingers as they type. How incredibly arrogant am I to leave God out the equation as I write. To leave Him out of my thinking process. Every step I take, every word I speak, every thought I think, and every word I write needs to be soaked with Him.

I've always wanted to be original. I always pride myself in thinking things other people haven't thought of. But if you read the quote I have about C.S. Lewis he stumbled on this idea a while ago. We will never be original. There's no way. The thoughts we have are put there by two different beings. We have variations on the thoughts because God has given us free will and we are not robots. But God is the originator of all things good. And the Devil is the originator of all things evil. And we humans dabble with the gray in between. C.S. Lewis says that if we say the truth we will nine times out of ten sound original. Why? Because the truth is given to us from God.

If we ask God to he will expand our minds so that we can ponder on the unfathomable, think on the unattainable, and contemplate the ungraspable (not a word). He gave Solomon wisdom. Solomon didn't attain it on his own. It was a gift. As was the gift God gave me. He lifted a weight off my shoulders when I realized it is His thoughts not mine that are original. Yes, it's really hard to write a book but I don't have to do it alone. He humbled me when I realized that all the ways I think are right will lead me to destruction. So all I have to do is concern myself with the Truth, ask God to widen the perimeters of my mind, and make sure that everything I think is pleasing to Him. The rest will fall into place. And I will, nine times out of ten, end up sounding original.

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable- if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise- dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and recieved and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you," Philippians 4: 8-9

Apple of His eye

I wish I was more eloquent so that I could express myself better. I wish I was a genius so I could understand everything that's presented before me. I wish I was beautiful so I could turn heads as I walk. I wish I was the nicest girl that way everyone would feel comfortable around me. I wish I was the most spiritual person ever that way God could shine through me constantly. I wish a lot of things. Or at least I used to. Now, this moment, I am content with who I am. I am content with who God has molded me into. I'm not the smartest, prettiest, or coolest. But I am me. And there is no one in this whole world, in the entire universe that is like me. I am the apple of my Father's eye. And I can't wait until He sends me someone who loves me and appreciates me for who God always knew I was.


Listen to the song Apple of Your eye by Sons of Korah.

Long Post.

Want. It's a four letter word. The world is no longer driven by need but by want. People say that money is what makes the world go round. Yet, I still believe it's the hands of God that hold us steady. Want. When we are born we wail for our needs. Our mother's breast, a dirty diaper, a burp that won't come out, all these are needs that must be addressed. However, we learn at a very young age that wants are more fun than needs. So we wail but not for our needs. What I find interesting is that when Jesus' sandals pounded the ground here on earth He met the immediate needs of the souls He encountered. Ailments, sicknesses, blindness, lameness, demon possession, all these things that the people desperately needed; Jesus met the needs instantly. Where there was faith there were His healing hands. He didn't say come follow me and I'll give you this great ride and a pretty sweet house. He healed man of his ailments and cured them of their diseases. Yet, countless times in the Bible there is the mention of our desires. Desires...isn't that just a fancy word for want. Desires aren't needs. If I have cancer I don't desire to be cured, I NEED to be cured, and I need it immediately.

So let me get this straight, God meets our immediate needs. Right? Yeah.
It says in the Word, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." -Psalm 37:4 Delight means: a high degree of gratification : joy; also : extreme satisfaction.
Extreme satisfaction...if you are extremely satisfied with something doesn't that meet all your needs AND all your wants. So what I think God wants us to realize here is that if we realize that our greatest need and our grandest desire can be met within Christ Jesus our Lord, than if we want more (and we will because God Himself designed us to want more) of something He will give it to us. Whatever it is. "If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you." John 15:7 And Jesus goes on to say, "My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples.": -John 15:8 The red letters are our truth.

For some reason I acquired this mentality ever since I was a little girl that to be a Christian was to never want anything outside of what you have. Be satisfied and content. But that is against what my Saviour says. He says, "Therefore let us approach the throne of grace with BOLDNESS, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us at the proper time." -Hebrews 4:16 My Father is not a pauper He is a King. A King who tells me to boldly go before Him. To boldly ask for more. He is a King who is so loving so giving that He not only meets our deepest needs but yet our most cherished desires. And when we abide in Him, He places desires within us. Don't be ashamed if the yearnings of your heart seem impossible. Christ loves to astonish us. But our Father will not push His inheritance on us. We must, as rightful heirs, ask for the inheritance He has for each of us.

Have you ever been to a stream where the water has become stagnant? It's smells funky and it's dirty and you could never drink from it. If we as followers of Christ, aren't constantly moving our faith becomes stagnant. We become stinky and nobody will want to drink what we have to offer. The reason God says He will give us what we want, when we abide in Him, I think, is because not only does He delight in making His children happy but because others will see and will want what we have. But we can show them that our extreme satisfaction can not be found with the things He chooses to give us. It cannot even be found when our most basic needs our met. Our extreme satisfaction, our joy, and greatest gratification, can only be found in Jesus.