11.27.2007

Alien part 4

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

It happened again. The sin which I struggle with. I caved in. There I was walking, ever walking, and I stumbled. I stumbled so hard I cut my knee and had a gash on my arm. I was bloodied. I was bruised. I was hurt. I was ashamed. I did it to myself. I made myself feel like death. I placed myself in the path to the otherside. It always happens. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not. Everytime I stumble; I want to scream, cry, and pity myself. As I was walking on this new path. This dark path. This path of evil, I was frightened. Terribly frightened. Terribly ashamed. I didn't think my Father would want such a dark creature in his Kingdom. I heard whispers that laced into my ear. They pounded and drove inside my head. They said I would never be good enough. They said I would always stumble. They said I wasn't wanted.

For days I traveled on this path. I was sick. I would retch and vomit along the road. It seemed my sickness was trying to purge my sin from my body. It didn't work. I was miserable. I shudder as I think of those days. I had built hell around me, and it was so convoluted a maze I thought I would die. Forever lost.

O how I missed my Father! I ached for Him. How I ached! One night, as I lay wounded and dirty on the cold ground a soft wind rustled my hair. I felt a moment of warmth. My bones crackled, my fingers tingled, and the briefest of smiles fell upon my lips. In the moment I remembered a story. I remembered that I didn't need to be here. I remembered that I was wanted, that I was loved, that I was needed by my Father. I lifted my dirt filled body from the ground and knelt. I prayed.

"Father forgive me for I have sinned. I am worthless. My heart is as black as coal. 'I am a zoo of lusts'. Embrace me. Amen."

It took me two days to find the path I had once traveled. A sense that I will be back on the road of selfishness fills me from time to time. But I just tell my Father to protect me. And He does. He whispers in my ear words of love, that make me weep and smile. My Father has never forsaken me. My Father will NEVER forsake me. My Father forgives me. My Father loves me.

1 comment:

prityqban said...

so beautiful dely.

love you,

coto